The Productivity of Sleeplessness
Posted in: Blog by admin on November 28, 2010
Okay, Mom, I’m blaming you directly for this sleepless night! Before I went to bed, you told me how a couple of your supportive friends noticed that I haven’t written for a while. It’s true, I have not. I think part of the reason is because for the first time in a long time, I’ve been sleeping well. And, often, I feel compelled to write during those quiet, sleepless moments in the deep of the night, when the thoughts swirling around my head push me to do something more than just lay here.
They push me to think, to consider, to challenge myself, to evolve. I realize now, as I sit here awake in the silence, how easy it is to run around during the day, getting lost in the little details of life as a mom of three. I don’t take enough time to stop and breathe … to think. And, this is especially true when the kids are home from school, which they have been since Tuesday. I have been busying myself with them. I haven’t had those moments during the day while they’re at school to drive and listen to music and just be with my thoughts. Instead, I’ve been playing B96 and 103.5 as my girls sing along, immersing me in the pop hits. These songs make me want to dance and sing a bit, but certainly not think too much!
It’s so easy to just turn it all off. To get lost in our routines. To not push ourselves.
I love to write. I love to listen to my music. I love to think and philosophize. Yet, I’ve done so little of that recently. In reality, Mom, I, of course, thank you. For now, I am asking myself why I haven’t been writing and doing the things that I love to do. I am awake. (Sure, it’s 2:30 a.m., and I am literally awake! But, more importantly, I am awake and aware.) I am aware of the fact that I need to continue to push myself and be creative. I need to make the time and then treasure that time in which I can do things that I love. I need to find those parts of life that make me so passionate and alive that even a busy week with the kids won’t deter me from continuing on my present, authentic, purposeful path.
I love that phrase right there — my present, authentic, purposeful path. That’s a place on which I want to walk, to travel, to dance, to fly. There it is. Purpose. I just need to get there … or just get back to there.
For several months, as I’ve been looking for some part-time work, I assured myself that the passion and motivation would come when I found a job. But, now I’m thinking that I am simply wasting time. Work is not going to bring me fulfillment. I am going to do that. I have to take advantage of the minutes in the day. I have to find the quiet hours, (maybe even during daylight eventually). And, I have to continue to seek out motivation and build desire and create that feeling of completeness.
Work will be beneficial on many levels, I know. It will inspire me and busy me. And, it will inevitably encourage me to make each minute in the day count. When we have lots of free time, it’s so easy to take our moments for granted. So I am grateful that I am lying here awake, reminded of the ability I have to push myself forward … to get back on that path. To find purpose. To challenge myself to think more, to do more, to be more.
I can’t wait for the sun to rise and to get to it, or I should really say “to stick with it.” I’m not going to let it go again, at least not until the kids are home with me for winter break!
Truly, I will remember this feeling of being awake and awakened. I thank this sleepless night for giving me a much-needed nudge back on track.
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Amy,
Great to read another post of yours. They are always so inspiring, and this one is serving to wake me up as well. : )
I hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving and a Happy Channukah and New Year to you and your family.