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Walking Through the Fog

Posted in: Blog by admin on September 28, 2010

September 28, 2010

I often talk about our paths and the journey as so many of us try to find our way.  We try to head in the right direction, towards that most genuine place where true happiness awaits.  Peacefulness.  Comfort.  Joy.  It is there.  It must be there.  Just keep moving.

And, I’m doing that.  I’m moving.  But, every once in a while I get stuck, and I feel overwhelmed about that next step.  I wonder how to move if I don’t know where I want to go.  We have been taught to know.  We go to school because we want good grades.  We want good grades because we want to get into a good college.  We want to go to a good college because we want a good job, etc., etc., etc.  But, now, I want to move along because I want to get where?  It suddenly feels as if I’m in a very precarious place.

So, I talk about it, and I keep my eyes open for those hidden guides, like Jeff and Peter (two wise, kind souls who I’ve recently met as I’m stumbling along).  I’ve only had brief conversations with each of them, actually for the purpose of my career, yet, they proved to be more than just professional resources.  They were able to remind me of one of life’s critical facts:  It doesn’t so much matter where I want to end up, as long as I just keep on moving.  For then, I’ll inevitably get somewhere.  And, so I’m motivated.  And, I’m encouraged.  And, I’m grateful that I get to randomly connect with beautiful people around the world.  And, I’m walking.  Some days I feel like skipping, while on others, I want to crawl along, maybe even back in the other direction.  But, still, I’m moving along.

It is a challenge for all of us.  Last night, I spoke with a friend of mine who “has it all together.”  Her life is as she dreamt it would be.  Yet, there still is that battle — the battle to remain on the path that she so carefully carved out for herself.  There are questions.  There is that nagging lack of purpose.  There are temptations.  There is occasional boredom.  There’s the other side.  There is so much about which to wonder and dream and speculate and fantasize.   There are so many paths beckoning us to place our shoes on their surface.

I was so struck by this reality:  Even if we know exactly where we are going and how we want to get there, that’s just the beginning.  There are armies and armies waiting beyond to fight us as they tempt us and worry us and try to threaten the beauty that we have so meticulously created.  The truth is this:  It is hard to stay on course.  And, it’s so easy to take a wrong turn and then find yourself in a world you never envisioned.  You may look up and wonder how you got there, as if you just stumbled and fell.

That’s precisely the fear that is overwhelming me.  It is the fear of falling.  I have been feeling as if I could so easily do something wrong … take a misstep … make a wrong turn.  Because isn’t that the terrifying truth?  It only takes a very small pebble to cause a growing ripple in the water.  So, how do we know if we are headed in the right direction?  And, does it matter if we loop around and around without a specific end in sight?  Not if we have one powerful piece of artillery in our pocket — consciousness.

If one is truly conscious and aware, then any step that is taken is a genuine step that leads towards a greater truth.  It’s the lack of that clarity that causes the fear and trepidation.  It’s that lack of clarity that I was feeling tonight.  And, that is why I felt so vulnerable. I know that without that vision, without that knowledge of myself, without that sense of the present, I could fall.  And it could hurt.  So, I awaken, and I remember.  And, through that, I regain some consciousness.  I come back to my present.  Or at least, I try with all my strength to do so.  But there are nights like these.  (Hey, didn’t Forrest’s mama tell us something like that?)  Well, there are nights like these.  And, there are days like these.  And, we work through them.

It just is a reminder to stay awake.  I recently advised someone to not make a move unless they are fully aware of what they are doing and why.  Don’t just act purely on impulse.  It’s that state of numbness, that uncertainty, that fogginess that gets us into trouble — that causes us to stumble and fall.  That is what I have to advise myself tonight.  Be present and aware, and then comes that euphoric feeling of being carefree.

So, with awareness, I am going to re-focus and re-strengthen and “re-member.”  I’m going to remember to stay awake.  To take steps with awareness.  To have authenticity written on my mind’s flashing billboard.  That must be the key for moving forward.  Authenticity.  Then, our steps will lead us all to the very somewhere we belong.

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3 Responses to “Walking Through the Fog”

  1. Great post – I’ve been struggling with this for some time and it’s great to see this information.

  2. Sue says:

    Love this!! You are amazing!! Xo

  3. Amy says:

    Thank you! I think we all struggle, but we occasionally are fortunate enough to stumble upon beauty!

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